Monday, March 31, 2008

House Dresses and Cigarettes....Confessions of a well meaning, religious bigot

As a very young pastor I attended a national pastor's conference designed to support pastors whose churches are located in the inner city. I was expectant, excited and full of zeal. The first year was a life changing event for me. I was able to meet and hear a message from a pastor that I greatly admired. Pastor E.V. Hill whose approach to preaching had deeply influenced my own was a guest speaker. The entire weekend was a magnificent experience for me. I wept the entire time as the LORD did so many wonderful things in my heart and life.

What a difference a year makes. The following year I attended the same conference. This time a discouraged, depressed, tired and sick pastor attended the conference. I declined to attend with friends this time; preferring to travel alone so I could think, meditate and pray. I could also be there without the distraction of my friend's desire to shop, sight see or visit friends.
I kept asking GOD to please make sure someone was there to minister to me. I needed support. At the time my denomination had no routine means to support, train or counsel pastors or ministers on the local level. There was an annual conference but you could die of spiritual thirst waiting on that yearly meeting. My whole prayer was for the LORD to arrange for someone to minister to me.

I arrived at the first meeting on time but not in time to get a preferable seat. As I stood surveying the building an usher approached me and escorted me to the front of the congregation; first row; right side of the church. As I took my seat, I noticed a rubenesque, woman with a pleasant demeanor and a perm that needed a touch up desperately. The most remarkable thing about this woman was the fact that she was wearing a shift. For those of you too young to know, a shift was a house dress with no sleeves and a simple wrap-style or plain buttoned down front. These dresses were typically worn around the house as one cleaned, cooked or enjoyed leisure time. I immediately thought; "Who is this lady in this great big ol' meeting in a house dress?" She smiled as I took my seat directly in front of her. At some point during the service I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and heard indiscernible words in a clear pattern of fervent prayer. Someone was praying for me. I turned to see it was the lady in the house dress. After the service this lady made a point of speaking to me and asked my name. That evening in my hotel room, I prayed with tears for the LORD to send someone to me to encourage me, give me a "word" or some sign that He was still with me in this role of pastor. I suppose I wanted one of the internationally famous pastors to recognize my need and say something that would transform my life and ministry. Didn't happen.

The next day I was again led to my seat by an usher. I was seated this time directly in back of the lady with the bad perm. She was wearing another house dress. In this morning session. The speaker encouraged the people to share prayer needs with those around them. Immediately the house dress lady turned to me and she took my hands and asked what I would like to pray about. I couldn't even speak. I closed my eyes and just froze. The tears seeped through my closed lids as I tried to formulate words that could explain my needs to this stranger. She began to pray. Her prayer addressed the needs of my life. Her prayer was a balm for my pain and disillusionment. I also prayed for her and we embraced. The following day I was seated before her and she sought me out. As we began to talk, I realized that it was through this very different lady (at least from my perspective) that GOD has answered my prayer for someone to minister to me. My expectation was entirely different; foolish, limited and bigoted. In my interactions with that lady and her very real compassion for me that I saw very clearly the beauty of Jesus. Through this woman of GOD my soul was lifted and I was hopeful and refreshed in the Holy Spirit. GOD used this white woman from New York to bless a black man from Boston. In doing so he addressed a bias I had regarding clothing and judging the value of people based on appearance. Through this experience He also revealed the limited view I had of the sources of the grace of GOD.

Another instance of GOD correcting biases and false expectations was my reluctant attendance to a three day conference at a catholic conference site by a beautiful lake in Massachusetts. I initially resisted the invitation because, well.... they were catholic. I had visions of statues, Mary veneration, smoke and rosary beads. My friend assured me that the meeting was multi-denominational and was not strictly catholic but I didn't want to take the risk. I never really made up my mind to go until I was actually in the car heading towards the southern part of Massachusetts with the friend that invited and eventually demanded that I attend. Too late to change my mind, I wondered as I peered over my sunglasses peripherally at my excited friend. Yeah, too late came the response from my conscience and we careened on to the "reluctant weekend".

The first hour of this new experience was extremely uncomfortable. No one there looked like me. I was the speck in the cup of milk as we say in my collective community. A colloquial reference to being the only Black/African American in a roomful of White folk. Some of the songs that were sung I knew, the scripture references were familiar, of course. I was surprised to see that during free time that was allotted for the prisoners, oops, I mean, participants to get to know one another there were more than a couple of people who were smoking cigarettes. I thought: "Don't these heathens know they are in a church function on a church site for a spiritual retreat?"
As soon as my thought was complete one of this ill-informed people walked up to me with cigarette in mouth uttering a greeting. I pretended not to understand what I had heard in order to signal to him that he should remove the offensive sign of his spiritual immaturity. We then introduced ourselves. During this little get-to-know-you attempt the man claims that he has a "word from the LORD" for me. My mind immediately put up a barrier! "You ain't got no word for me with that cigarette hanging out of your mouth brother!, was my initial thought. He immediately began to speak of things that he could certainly not know about me from a very brief introduction. It soon became clear to me that the LORD was using this man to encourage me abut the weekend. The unlikely prophet also foretold some things that came to pass in my life. Hmmmmm.

I believe Elijah, the prophet also had a similar experience as recorded in scripture . He is running from the death threat issued to him by Jezebel the Queen and wife of Ahab the wicked king of Israel. He eventually ends up depressed, hiding in a cave with a warped perception of his ministry and whom the LORD was using. Elijah's ministry was one that was accompanied by signs and wonders. Just before the death threat he called down fire from Heaven in a battle between the Priests of Baal and the Prophets of the LORD. We find Elijah in the cave having an expectation of GOD's presence in his life to be like it always was. There was a lightening storm, an earth quake and a hurricane while Elijah was in the cave. The Bible says each time one of those great events happened Elijah went to the mouth of the cave and expected to hear GOD's voice; like he always did, in the great wonders. GOD was not in any of those experiences. It wasn't until a gentle breeze came by the cave that Elijah finally heard the LORD's voice. When he heard the voice of GOD it put in perspective his misperception of who was being used by GOD. ("I alone am left as a servant of Jehovah! 1 Kings 18:22, 19:10"). I think also, it must have broadened the vision of Elijah's ministry. He found out there were 7 thousand other faithful people still serving the LORD! In the direction recieved he was given instruction concerning his nation, another nation and the next generation; his mentor, Elisha.

Being open to the Sovereignty of GOD is somethimes a hard thing to do. He keeps switching things up. Just when you think you 've got HIM in a box he breaks the box and your perceptions. He does this so you can trust in HIM and not methods, and what worked "the last time." Our relationship with the LORD keeps unfolding. Sometimes that is very uncomfortable. It continues to be revelatory and expanding to our hearts and experiences. I continue to try to be open to the way the LORD wants me to take. I try to learn from the people he places in my path; though sometimes I feel like some of them are just in my way. (Smile) The experiences I had with the lady in the house dress and the smoking prophet enlarged my understanding of the Body of Christ. They also opened my heart to those who were not like me. I'm also learning HIS ways are not my ways! I'm in a learning mode and the lesson is making me exactly who my Heavenly Father wants me to be and with that I am comfortable.

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